Use Selective Hearing to Your Advantage

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” - Suzy Kassem

We’ve all heard of selective hearing...

I hope the irony of that does not pass you by.

Just because you have heard of it does not mean you are using it to your advantage:

• Ineffective application results in hiding from reality
• Effective application results in changing reality

Don’t use selective hearing on what others say to you.

Use selective hearing on what you say to you.

Allow both positive and negative feedback to come to you unfiltered. Hear it all. You can’t control the data. You can however, control how you interpret that data.

In other words:

What other people think about you can’t hurt you; what you think about you, can.

When negative self-speak tries to enter your mind, employ selective hearing. Hear the feedback of others, not the judgment that you pass about yourself.

It’s the difference between self awareness and self consciousness.

How has self awareness fed your dreams?

How has self-consciousness fed your doubts?

Tip # 49: Drop Those Defenses

“Sometimes we receive feedback from someone that doesn’t feel good to hear. We get defensive and argue that they “just don’t understand.” Instead of deflecting their comments, listen to what they have to say. It may be true that they don’t understand, but we can learn about them—their values, priorities and feelings—just by listening. From that vantage point, we gain the upper hand and can craft an appropriate and productive response. And you never know; once you stop deflecting and start listening, you may realize what they’re offering is valuable, even valid feedback.

The next time someone criticizes you, make an effort to listen and not become defensive. Write down what you heard. What did you learn about the person? Is there any insight to be gained from what they presented to you?”

Of all the tips offered in 128 Tips to Make You a More Effective Leader, this may be the most challenging one to master. Hearing negative feedback often elicits a knee-jerk reaction...

And it’s not to send a thank you note.

The most important thing to remember in the moment is to pause.

I have found it useful to remind myself that feedback is 100% about the giver…and there may be a grain of truth in it about you, too.

Huh?

Think about it: The person who is giving you negative feedback is describing THEIR feelings, their thoughts, their judgments. They may be correct about you, too… or not.

What is correct is the great insight they are offering you about what is important to them? Good to know!

Their words may not feel like a compliment to you, but their actions give you an insider’s view of them.

Listen or Lose

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” - Stephen R. Covey

Ever miss what someone is saying because you are too distracted crafting your response?

We’ve all been there...

The problem is when we get stuck there.

Simply being aware of this habit will help you gain the traction you need to become a more effective listener.

We live in an increasingly noisy world.

In terms of supply and demand, there is a surplus of broadcasters and a shortage of receivers.

Don’t flood the market; cater to the need. Be a leader who listens. You will always find yourself in demand.

Not sure where you stack up?

If you’ve already forgotten what this blog is about because you’ve been drafting what you want to write in the comment section, it might be worth re-reading.

Tip: Silence is only uncomfortable if you are uncomfortable with it. Stop trying to fill the empty space in a conversation. Stay dedicated to being a receiver and you will be amazed with what you hear.